faeriewiccan's Diaryland Diary

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Bittersweet

So, today's my one year anniversary with John...But...there's a problem. It's sort of him, but it's mostly his family.

"John" [12:27 AM]: I feel terrible...
Pyro Chickens [12:27 AM]: why?
"John" [12:28 AM]: Stuff thats going on...
Pyro Chickens [12:29 AM]: ?
"John" [12:29 AM]: The thing with my mom and dad.
Pyro Chickens [12:29 AM]: oh
"John" [12:31 AM]: My mom is mad at my dad
"John" [12:31 AM]: So she does nothing but sit here and cry.
"John" [12:31 AM]: Then I feel shitty because I cant do anything about it.
Pyro Chickens [12:31 AM]: well u shouldn't feel shitty
"John" [12:32 AM]: I do though.
"John" [12:32 AM]: I mean... My mom gets mad at me when I'm not home...
"John" [12:33 AM]: When I am home she makes me feel bad... I dont know what to do.
Pyro Chickens [12:33 AM]: yea
"John" [12:33 AM]: I want to leave... I want to move out... When I get this job I CAN move out.. But I cant...
"John" [12:34 AM]: She's going to need my help without my dad...
Pyro Chickens [12:34 AM]: yea
"John" [12:34 AM]: I mean... every time I go ANYWHERE.. My brother and sister BEG to go... I cant take them everywhere...
"John" [12:34 AM]: Then my mom gets mad at me when I wont take them.
"John" [12:35 AM]: When I dont take them I'm an asshole for only thinking of my self...
"John" [12:35 AM]: They're not my damn kids. Why do I need to treat them as if they are?
Pyro Chickens [12:35 AM]: yea
"John" [12:36 AM]: I love them to death.. But they drive me insane.
Pyro Chickens [12:37 AM]: mhm
"John" [12:39 AM]: I feel bad because I dont do alot with you... And I know you're going to say its ok... But its not ok to me.
Pyro Chickens [12:40 AM]: u shouldn't worry about me when u have other things on your plate to deal with

His family just drives me insane. His mom just doesn't want to give him freedom and she's too lazy to raise her own kids, you know? And I'm sick of the way his mom treats him. Like one time, John and I were out together and his mom called and wanted him to come home so he could turn off the sprinklers. He argued and argued and it just didn't work so we had to drive 49 blocks away from where we were just to get to his house and turn off the sprinklers. Seriously, he has no spine. And I don't know what to do. I've been thinking that maybe we should take a break or something. It's like, he claims I mean so much to him but if his mom doesn't want him going out just because she can't take care of her own kids and he doesn't fight her then what am I worth to him? Maybe I'm just clingy or selfish but honestly, he needs to:
1. Tell his mom to shove it when we have plans to go out and she won't let him. For fuck's sake, he's 18.
2. Move the fuck out. His mom shouldn't have had kids if she won't take responsibilty for them.
Am I wrong? I don't know. I just...I feel bad. But I don't know how much longer I can deal with his family's bull shit.

Spanky

3:07 P.M. - Monday, Jul. 10, 2006

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